Dear mom #8

I haven't blogged in a while. I write letters as if I could write to my mother, unedited, final copy. Most people probably don't read them. That's OK, I write them for myself. Today I was going to write about parenting with a teenager.
  That can be kind of difficult at times. My kid is more of the unsocial kind. He is working on trying to have friends over but his timing is often bad. Plus I have this thing about wanting to meet the parents. When I had a birthday party for him at Cocomo Joe's none of the parents stayed to watch. That made it impossible for me to go to the bathroom till one parent came at the end. I had met her briefly before. There was one kid (keep in mind these were sixth graders) who didn't know how or just wouldn't stay where you asked him. I had to go out to the cars as parents came up to meet them. Aren't they lucky I am not a psychopath.
    Well, back on topic. This morning wasn't that much of a dilemma. Caleb just wanted to push buttons as typical. Oh mom, I wonder what you would think of your grandson if you knew him.
     He was trying to explain to me about participation grades. Too him it seemed like all the kids just had to scribble or not down numbers. I knew even public schools expected more than that. I told him that didn't make sense to me and he must be mistaken. I was trying to explain to him that fro! His perspective he might be missing something important. I am not in the school but I did have my experiences from when I was. Then he proceeds to tell me he doesn't appreciate my rantings. Wait, mom did my kid just say that? Hello, these are not rantings when I am trying to help him understand something. I told him later we can work on how to respond in a kinder way if I am trying to explain something to him. I asked him to apologize and he did.
     He is at that age he is unsure of what is nice or not and he goes to say he thinks I am too picky. I did get a hold of the woman in the office on the phone to ask her about participation grades. She explained, in a nice way, that there is a difference between participation grades and homework grades. Participation grades are actually how often does a child raise a hand to answer questions as well as helping in group activities. I knew there was more to it then what Caleb was thinking.
   There is always more to a story then one perspective. Now, I do encourage him to be his own person and to like his own things. I wonder how I was with that. You only had me till I was ten, but I bet I wasn't easy. He often says I like boring things like books and museums. There he goes again with his negative approach. I need to explain to him you don't have to like what someone else likes but there are kinder ways to go about it.
   I am grateful for one child. I might go insane if I had multiple. I do think kids are great. I am a bit lenient with him. I want him to feel comfortable to tell me anything. We need patience to work on his approach. I know I can ramble a lot, but I hope there was humor in here too. Lol

-Wendy B.

Dear mom Happy mothers day #7

       Mother's day is on Sunday the 8th of 2016 this year. Caleb is 13 now. I bought him his first Bible. It's a brown leather one. I can teach him how to use it. Cause what is great about the Bible is it is a book you do not have to read in order.

  Something's I have been learning about myself I wonder how much of me I am like you? I am realizing I do not take constant criticism well. I am a very sensitive person. It is one thing if people are critical once in a while but on going it gets over whelming & then I feel as if I can never measure up to certain expectations. I also love my animals very much. I remember when you did not want us to get a dog but my dad did still anyway. I get very defensive if people complain about how much I talk about my pets or about how much attention I give them. I think my dog grew on you. I remember my grandmother always has pets or almost always. I saw pictures of her when she was younger with collies. Maybe I get my enjoyment of that from her.
   I can not stand scary movies. I watched It a couple of times when I was younger but I am very sensitive to what I watch. That is one other thing I am learning about myself as a highly sensitive person. I can't help but wonder what you thought of scary movies?
    I often wonder what we would do together if we celebrated mothers day? Would we go to the movies & see something inspiring or would we go to the park? I have learned I have a bit of a sense of adventure even if it is not extreme. I know you had health problems so long hikes probably wouldn't be your thing. I remember one year getting you a candy rose. Things get so fuzzy with those memories sometimes.
  I also wonder what kind of relationship we would have? I wonder if we would be close & silly almost like sisters or if it would be very serious. I know my grandmother was very serious and of course she was nice. I try to be silly with my son. I don't do a very good job of not taking things personally hence more of the issues of being highly sensitive. I do my best to have fun with him. I think this year my little family is going to El maguey for lunch. It's a nice little Mexican restaurant. I wish you a happy mother's day in heaven. I do know you are in a better place!!!

Love, Wendy

Dear mom #6 to Ecuador & back

Dear mom,
     I did it!!! I went, I saw, helped & conquered!!! For some reason most of my life I spend it wondering what if I could. I should be saying when will I just? Trying to find those people who believe in me is hard. I am learning just how big a God I serve!!! We should have confidence to be able to witness what a great God we have!!!! I make mistakes along the way of course.
    The main point was Ecuador!!! Now I really know what it means to pray for others!! Especially others I don't know. I think growing up we pray like Jesus is a genie but sometimes even as an adult we pray that way too! Example, if so & so just liked me. Or if I could have that toy. Or if I could just be popular. We often pray for superficial things. It is important to pray for people to come to the Lord. Even when we become Christians we make mistakes.
   Ecuador was the most amazing place to learn about others especially in Santana. They live in huts there. We stayed there for three days & two nightThe weather was fabulous by the way!!! If you kept walking it wasn't so hot & plenty of water. One lady hosted us to let us stay in her extra hut. We ate regular food, nothing off the wall. That was a big worry. I am not a fan of chilli but I had some there. So that was the only out of the ordinary thing for me. There was definitely a language barrier. I know very little Spanish. Some of us after church played a hand game with the girls there. That was very memorable & I hope to never forget!!!
    I really enjoyed Banos & Quinto too!   I wish I had done the swing but did a spa time instead. I enjoyed the spa!!! $25 for an hour, not bad!!! We prayed & sang at the top of the mountain. That was breath taking!!!! Three of my favorite days so far: giving birth, wedding day & Banos view from the mountain!!!! I also saw the Basilica in Quinto. That was the most walking we did. Most everything we were bused as close as possible for me that is a good thing! I got stuck on the last day. I missed everything from church to the last shopping day. I had to sleep in the lobby aso I didn't get others sick. Then I crashed for a few hours at one of the families houses that hosted things who are a part of our church. I really enjoyed time with Sandi. She was awesome!!! It is hard to find women like her who are encouraging & not condemning. Some plans had to be changed I think cause of the volcano issues & it was amazing when we drove past one! Maybe one day I can go back. I just remember thinking before leaving I probably won't. That was a lot of fear talking though & not more trusting in God. Plans are scary, but I got over that just like any other thing. Not sure who to give photo credit too. I'm in the middle in the front.

Dear mom #5 (Ecuador & the married life)

Dear mom,
       I wonder when you were raising me if you ever thought I'd do big things & see the world? I hope you did. I wonder even more if you thought I had what it takes to go on a missions trip? Here I am writing about where I am going to go coming very soon, Ecuador (Quito, Lasso, Banos).
      I have learned this is more than learning about their culture. That will be a big culture shock for me cause of my city life. I will be able to take what I have been learning at church and applying it to a place I have never been. This trip is not about me, it's about them. I am very curious as to what to expect.
      So many things if only I had the chance to tell you. I think it is OK to be nervous. How would I take it if you didn't approve? People pleasing can be a trap. This note is in no way to get sympathy or anything out of it other than a way of expressing how I wish I could talk to you about it.
      I do know a challenge is going to be that I won't be able to spend much time w/ my husband. Men & women sleep in different areas. There probably won't be time for naps. In the jungle we need a sheet & or a light blanket & a pillow. Are we sleeping outside or inside? I do not know Spanish. I have an agenda packet w/ some helpful phrases. Will bringing a camera be too touristy? Maybe I could bring a smaller one if I could find one. I am going to leave my cell phone & tablet at home. That is hard cause I am addicted to them.
      This is not a typical tourism trip. There will actually be hard work envolved. There will be different types of foods. It is polite to eat as much as you can of theirs. I just wonder if we will be building something or painting things. I wonder how communication will be? I talk a lot, especially if I am nervous. So we Lea e Easter Sunday & get back on my birthday.
        I have so much to learn about this trip. I can't help but wonder what you would think of it all.

-Wendy Barbarick

Dear mom #4 (wedding/honeymppm/married life)

Dear mom,
   Ok so the Gilmore Girl blog concept wasn't as exciting as I hoped it be. Blogging is just what it is, blogging. That's one of my favorite tv shows I learned a lot from.  Well, if you were here I'd be telling you about my life up to date. A few years ago I had made a bucket list but I never did any of those things on it as tends to happen to people. We make them & ignore them, very much like new years resolutions. If you were here I'd ask you if you ever had made one, or resolutions or had any goals in life? Or if we'd make one together?
    Since I had been with Jonathan he has helped me do four of those things on the bucket list. I have only crossed off one of them. I have learned archery (as I mentioned before), I have been on a cruise which helped the swim with the dolphins concept. Both were awesome experiences. I have also gotten married!! We are still newly weds.
    Learning archery was kind of a challenge since I don't have a lot of upper body strength. But I think that skill can help with that. I can actually hit the target many times too!! It has become fall now so some days it's a bit cold to go outside. Plus with my dog she makes it a bit hard to do much. I know growing up I was a bit over protected so it was hard to learn many things. But as I get older looking back I can understand certain things but I still think some things were over kill however, that
is beside the point. I have found someone to teach me despite my lack of coordination. Maybe when it warms up again I can try again.
   Going on the cruise was exciting too!!! By then we had been together for six months. His family went too. His grandparents & parents & an aunt & an uncle & his brother.  I think you would like his family. They are very funny & an interesting group of people to talk too. They like to travel & eat different foods & so on. We had formal night a couple of times on the ship, we ate dinner every night. On the first formal night he purposed to me which was our second day on the ship but first official day on the ocean! He got real close to the railing & I think his mom was nervous about it. He asked the question on one knee & kind of tossed the ring over the side of the ship. I was surprised by the question & asked him if he was serious about it. He is a very kind man. On the cruise was when we went swimming with the dolphins at one of the landings. It was the last big event. I could not wear sunblock cause if it came off in the water it might hurt the dolphins. The dolphins were mainly ones that were rescued. They came up & let us pet them & pulled us around. It was very cold in the water which was in a good sized tank. That was a seven day cruise.
  Getting married was also on my bucket list. I had a very sparkly glittery dress. I had my friends in the wedding with me as it should've been. The ones I wish you could know. We had fun. One friend had her hair done up & everyone else's was straight so I let her do mine. My maid of honor said I had never let her do my hair before. I think she had fun. John's mom helped with the dress some. She was busy getting things set up. She would come in & check on us from time to time. We got our pictures taken before the wedding cause of the time of day & needing good light. I was hoping to get ready in the house up the hill but we got ready in the stalls at the reception area. It all worked out.
  For the honeymoon we went to St Lucia & stayed at Halcyon beach resort. It was really pretty & lots of ocean!!! The food was some similar & some different. We rode hobbycats, & kayacked, & ate sushi & even mac & cheese one after noon. I have all sorts of pictures for that. It was good to get home after a while. I still have stuff I want to check off my bucket list. I'd like to stay at a haunted house or see a hairless spinxs cat in person. That is pretty much it for my blog.

Dear mom #3 What I learned about life from watching The Gilmore Girls.

Dear mom,
   I don't recall most of what I watched when you were around. Probably mostly cartoons. I remember some such as the Jetsons & the Flintstones. As I got older & started to live with my grandmother I really got into, "Full House." I guess dad wasn't into it & we never watched it when I was really young. That's besides the point. I think if you were here today I'd love to have a Gilmore Girls marathon with you.
     Here's why: The main relationship the show focuses on is about a woman named Lorelai Gilmore& her daughter Rory Gilmore. You & I were never quite as talkative & into making friends with everyone we met. We had pur own unique bond. You were a stay at home mom. As I am older now I can see the importance of you needing naps. I admit I often do that too. It takes a lot of energy raising a child & a lot of commitment.
     I think I enjoy the personalities of the two characters which makes the show entertaining as well as dramatic. I feel in love with the charisma of Lorelai Gilmore & wanted to exemplify her personality in a way but not exactly so I can still be myself.
     I asked myself many questions while watching the show. Questions such a: Would we have ever had a movie night as I got older & could appreciatemore than cartoons? Would we binge out on food & just talk about daily school things & so on? Would you still be married? Would you have always been a stay at home mom if you did? Would you have been over protective? Did your mom annoy you such as the grandmother Emily Gilmore did to Lorelai?
    I have a few concepts I took from the show. I like to make all sorts of friends. Granted I do not have a Skokie or a Kirk in my life. I find it interesting I relate to the mom best. I like to be that mom friend my son can tell things to now that he's older. I was told I was very shy when I was younger but he is so smart & bubbly. Seriously though he talks so much I can't always pay attention & I stare into space. Loops, he often catches me when I do. We go yo family video sometimes & watch movies we rent. It's a very inexpensive place or we go to the library. Their selection isn't so big.
    I also listen to my son & his school issues when kids cause problems. I do my best to talk to teachers & principals & that gets a bit annoying. I want him to beasble to tell me things. He is not old enough for dating yet but says many of the kids in middle school claim to be dating even if it's against the rules. It gets hard sometimes being the parent friend because it has it's draw backs. I have to remind him not to tell me how to do things or I have to tell him no. But when we chit chat sometimes we come up with crazy stuff & just laugh a lot. The show taught me that being a parent is fun & difficult at the same time.
    What else did I learn: I am not like Rory because she ius insanely smart, but i do have a passion for books. Also, if I try I can do most anything. Talking a lot can be really fun. Dating has it's ups & downs. Dinners look like a lot of fun. Everyone's life is different. Some people have interesting personalities while others are strange & you just can't figure them out. Certain people can be over bearing but still love you all the same.
    As I get older I just wonder what we'd agree on or argue about or talk about. Would it be traditional parenting or would there be a friendship there? That wraps this one up, a bit longer letter this time I think.

-Wendy

Dear mom #2

Hi,    In this letter I thought I would tell you about some of my friends. It's sad that you don't get to know them. I am still friends with Amanda from child hood. We reconnected on face book. She is a nurse now & a wife & has a few kids. We don't get to see each other in person but from what I can tell she is doing well. She says she remembers when you would take us to the store & burger king. We'd buy cheap little braclettes & things. There are a few others from elementary school on my friends list that I keep in touch with too. Facebook was a great way for some closure because apparently not everyone knew that your passing was why I moved.

   Well on to the details of who I know now. These are in no particular order.

  I will start with Ashley Taylor. She is one long time friend. We went to schhol together at Thomas Jefferson Private school, (TJIDS) We met I'm sixth grade. Being young kids we did not always get along but for the most part we had sleep overs & played video games. We did all sorts of things like that, such as go to the family Y & go swimming. She went to a lot of my birthday parties.   She is a pharmacists which is pretty cool. She was always very smart. She is now going to be my maid of honor at my wedding!!! She loves to run which I am not a fan of that. I am a bit on the lazy side.

Then there is Samantha Kast. She has an interesting brain cause of her sense of humor. I knew her right after high school. She's a bit younger than I am but sometimes I forget that. She has been through a lot, but I admire her courage & I hope she realizes how much she has. Her sense of humor will get her through a lot in this life. Sometimes when things get tough she reminds me it's great to laugh. I have often helped her with her kids & one of them is like a nephew to me. She will be in my wedding too!!!

I have another friend I know & she used to live her in Florissant. She moved to California. She goesby the nickname Boris & her real name is Leila. When she lived here she'd trust me to watch her three kids with Caleb. Besides with Samantha's I'd been in charge of sleep over a with hers. She is a very inteligant person. Sometimes she & I debate on worldly topics. I don't always agree with her views nor she with mine but neither one of us are afraid to say it. Sometimes there are people out there that drive you crazy & agree with everything. But I know she doesn't cause she wants to challenge me. It's great to be able to agree to disagree even if it gets a tad fruastraiting. I mean that in a good way!!!

Then there is a really new friend, Kinsey Nurnberger. Her heart is genuinely after the Lord's ways. She is just a young, & bright spirit. My fiancée is friends with her husband & they make a great team. I can't wait till I can say I've known her for several years. She's small like me & that's awesome cause sometimes my neck gets sore looking up at tall people. She's a ballerina & I find that amazing. Because like with running I don't have the energy for it. She is in my wedding too!!

One more, Priscilla Lay. She & I have so much that's opposite about us it's a wonder we are friends!! Her tattoos are incredible. Her spirit is just so care free & has carried her far in her life. I truly admire her for giving her daughter for adoption & deciding to raise her next one. I hope that wasn't saying too much. She has such a radiant smile & it's just contagious. I really think you would find her stories interesting. I don't have tatoos but I admire people that do. I can tell she wants to be a great mom. I just hope her desires bring her lots of inner peace. She is a brides maid too!!!

I realized most of these friends are in my wedding but that's besides the point. Even though you are gone & died when I was very young I still choose to live. Along the way I had lots of struggles to get where I am today. I wish you could know these woman that I have been blessed to have in my life. Plus I wish you could've known Caleb. I said that last time though. These are some thoughts I just wanted to share.     -Wendy Lovelace